I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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