The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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