i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
