i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
