ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
did i just pee glitter
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
