At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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