I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Sober January is a disaster.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize