Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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