No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
