so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
