she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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