went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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