Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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