I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
