i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Randomize
