omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
