I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize