I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
