did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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