So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
