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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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