I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
