Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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