im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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