There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
