I could have mohawked her pubes.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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