Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
