I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
