haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
