Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
