I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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