watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
