Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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