i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
