Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
