...so i touched it.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
