We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
