Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
