Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
