lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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