After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
