where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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