dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
