Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
