He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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