I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
