her vagine was all disorganized.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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