toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
