God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
