You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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