soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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