Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
