i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i think i just lost a toe
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
