Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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