I want to have your abortion
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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