When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
