I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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