Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize