I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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