he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
