hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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