just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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