i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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