the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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