Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
