so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
