Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
