how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
