It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
