I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Nicole vs. Life
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
