How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
