Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize