I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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