Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
