Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
